With Halloween coming up, I have been steady watching the horror flicks on TV. I love them, and love being scared over and over by the same movies each year. There are a few good lessons to be learned in those movies, in case you ever find yourself face to face with the boogeyman.
--If the lights go out, there's no need to head for the breaker box. Just get the hell out of the house! Chances are its not a tripped breaker. And you can bet your skimpy panties the phone is out too. Don't even waste time trying to call someone. JUST RUN.
--After you've seen the same guy following you and he's popped up in about 4 places, its probably not just your imagination. Take cover, because the shit is about to hit the fan.
--When you find the front door is cracked just a little, for God's sake don't slam it and lock the four chains and deadbolts like you want to keep the bad guy out. He's already in the house, fool. All you did was lock him and yourself in. You know once you get all worked up, your hands are going to waste a lot of time unlocking the door.
--Use a little common sense. Normal people don't walk the streets with a knife and mask. Don't taunt him; don't ask questions. Run. Run. Run.
--If you live in a town here some kid flipped out 10 years ago and went on a killing spree at home, its never EVER a good idea to take your stoner boyfriend to his house for some intimate time. Stick to his busted van. Killers get mad when you get freaky in their house.
--If you wake up to the smell of something burning at 3 am, its the devil playing with your senses. Just lay there and risk it; it would be much better just to burn up with the house than to test the devil. Sleep it off--that's why we have smoke detectors.
--When someone you've never heard of sends something in the mail offering up a lot of money to spend the night in a haunted house, don't do it. That can never end well. Just stay at home.
--If you're a little hot in the pants, just give up. I'm sorry, but its a fact--you're going to be one of the first ones to go. Fighting just makes it worse.
--Psycho killers get pretty pissed when you imitate them. Don't do it unless you're suicidal.
Remember these helpful hints to avoid a crazed lunatic! Good luck, don't get caught slipping....and Happy Halloween.
